Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
TONAWANDA, NY - The days leading up to week seven's The Open Championship were hectic and stressful for defending league champion, 2-time jacket winner, and PIH commissioner, Jeff Luke as he was busy fending off members of the Grand Island Six, specifically their leader John "Crooked" Coyle who has made every attempt to dishonor the commissioner's name and overthrow the great leader of the PIH league.
But these distractions didn't deter Luke as he claimed his 3rd career jacket, 2nd of the season, leaving only himself, Shawn Conschafter and Jeff Hewett with a chance at bringing home the championship.
The night started off with Luke joining Conschafter (who again has incorrectly claimed to be the first PIH putter at the bar 7-straight weeks) and Coyle in The Grill for what was supposed to be a beverage and some pleasantries before the match. But before Luke could even take his first sip of good beer and not the cheap shit Concho & Coyle were drinking, Coyle lashed out at Luke claiming Luke to have leaked information to the media in attempt to tarnish his name.
Despite the numerous amounts of written evidence of slander by Coyle about Luke, and his best friend Conschafter confirming the verbal assaults Coyle has laid on Luke, Coyle maintained his innocence claiming it all to be "fake news" by a left-leaning media. After immediately claiming innocence, Coyle attempted to get the entire bar to chant "Lock him up, lock him up" at Luke, an obvious reference to the false allegations of embezzlement he's floated around league members and anyone who will listen to him.
"Are you fucking drunk already, Coyle?" asked Conschafter. "Do you hear what you are saying right now? You've turned into your idol, Donald Trump." Coyle maintains that it wasn't he that had started the accusations rather it was Luke's "friend". "You may want to ask your buddy, the shitty roast beef guy, who started the league fee controversy." The "shitty roast beef guy" Coyle is referring to is Keith's brother, and son of Charlie the Butcher, Tim Roesch. Coyle remains adamant that it wasn’t he. "You may want to ask him who started it. He's still pissed that his beef lost out to Arby's, Bar Bill and Top's Market's in the PIH league survey last year and he blames you for the falling sales and rising beef costs. He's trying to get this league to fold."
Luke, never looking a disagreement, dismissed Coyle's comments and informed him the he is under investigation by the "Special Counsel" and he has until Wednesday at 9:00 am EST to submit a formal response to the league's commissioner through its Public Relations Manager, Jeff Luke, at which time the unedited response will be posted on the league's website. Coyle agreed to these terms just as the nights putting activities begun.
As league participants convened at the starters hut, Luke made a surprise announcement, one that could have massive implications on future league results. After extensive deliberations by the league's Rules Committee, Jeff Hewett had his balls reinstated. The league found that though the outer most layer of the ball was not in compliance with its rules, Hewett's balls don't produce the kind of results that would warrant them from not being used. Instead, the league found them to be consistent of old technology and likely only good for a few strokes before they are deemed "dead". Hewett was excited for the news and used the ball that night, scoring a 6th place 41 with 2 holes in one. This put Hewett in 4th place overall and needs to finish approximately 29 points ahead of Tom Barbops, 24 ahead of Conschafter and 9 ahead of Luke in order to win the championship. "So, you're telling me there's a chance?" said the ever optimist Hewett after learning of his chances. Yes, he has a chance but it is slim.
Also with a slim chance is Luke. Having a shot at the course record on 18, Luke went for it and ended up bogeying the hole for a first place 38 with 1 hole in one, and moved into 3rd place overall. Luke needs approximately a 21-point difference between he and Barbops and 17 between Conschafter in order for him to take home his second consecutive title. "I'm going to go out there and do my best in week-8 and see what happens." said Luke. "I know Barbops will choke, I just don't know how bad. And I know Conschafter will be hammered and not able to see straight by the time we putt. So, if some other putters throw up some solid scores, I could luck into it. Who knows."
If Barbops is going to choke, he’s certainly waiting until the last week to do so. Barbops, like Luke, shot a 38 but failed to record a hole in one. That put him in the money or tied for a money position in all but two weeks this season. Barbops’ week-8 pairing has him a bit worried. His worse finish of the season came in week-2 when he shot a 44 with one hole in one and tied Harald Rehm for 9th place. That score in week-7 would have placed him in 13th place, a position that could cost him the championship should Luke win and Conschafter stumble. An interesting footnote to week-2, Barbops was paired with the winner that week, Luke. When Barbops was asked about having the lead going into week-8, Barbops laughed “It’s been well documented. I’ll mess it up and finish second again by less than a point, watch.” Barbops is referring to last years lose to Luke by ¼ of a point.
On the other end of the confidence spectrum is Conschafter who is confident he’ll put up the numbers despite his planned alcohol intake before and after the final week’s events. Conschafter, Crooked Coyle, and some other deplorables are headed on vacation the following morning and have plans to Uber to and from putt-putt as they plan on celebrating right through the night into the morning. “I plan on ordering an UberXL home.” said a self-confident Conschafter. “There’s no doubt I’ll post a low score and all indications are that Barbops will crumble. So, it’s my championship to be had.”
Not having a chance at first, “Crooked” Coyle would love nothing more than to finish 2nd or 3rd, especially if that meant pushing Luke out of the top-3. Coyle needs to make up 29.5 points and get a lot of help in order to overtake Conschafter for 2nd. But 3rd place is not that unlikely as he only needs to make up 14 points on Luke and 8 over Hewett. “I’m gunning for the Jeff’s. I don’t like either one of them. The only thing I know about Hewett is his balls. I never met a ball I didn’t like until I met Hewett. And Luke, well, he’s got what I want, a successful putt-putt league and I don’t like him cause of it.” cried Coyle. We’ll see what “crooked” number Coyle puts up in the final week.
Sitting in 6th place overall and a very outside chance at 3rd is Scott Wilson. Failing to live up to expectations in 2016, Wilson has been posting some decent numbers in 2017 but needs a lot of help to catch Luke for 3rd as he sits 28.75 points out from the final money. “This was a learning year for me.” said Wilson. “I’ve watched my buddy Barbops week after week put up these numbers and only lately have I figured it out. I’m using these last few weeks to tune up for 2018.”
As for the rest of the field, the chances of finishing in the top-3 is all but over. The final week is the PGA Championship and the only thing they’re playing for is the increased prize money and the opportunity to say they won major. Cheektovegas will be posting the final week’s odds prior to teeing off but early odds makers are favoring Shawn Conschafter to stagger his way into first place and take home the 2017 championship trophy.
Week-7 Fun Facts:
- Brian Kimpel's average score when wearing his Van Halen jeans is 46.5 (48/45)
- 129 rounds have been played thus far and only two holes in one have been recorded on 18, in week’s 1 & 2, both by Tony Rotella, both without witness
- Average Score: 42.17 (off 0.01 from the league record in week-4)
- Holes-in-one: 8 (fewest holes in one recorded in a week ever!)YTD leader in Holes in
- One: Conschafter (15; has tied or lead since week-1)
- Remy has one Hole in One
- Barbops and Conschafter are the only sub-40 average putters (43 is the league average)
- Steve Steck sits 125.25 points out of first in dead last.
- Harald Rehm is not in last.