Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
Tonawanda, NY – After a 6th place finish in week-1, media outlets were predicting it would be the best finish rookie Scott Mason would record all season, as there were concerns Mason would focus more on getting to the bar than he would getting to the cup. Mason stormed into week-2 to prove doubters wrong by shooting a 39, making him the first player in 2016 to break 40. Mason posted a 20 on the front-9 and aced the 18th hole to close out the round, edging his playing partner Tom Barbops, who also aced the 18th, by one stroke.
“I’m a Michigan State fan and after finding out last week that the winner takes home a green jacket, I putted in my basement for 2-hours, twice a day, preparing for today. I brought my family here early for dinner, positioned myself so I could see the course, and played the course in my head as I ate. Cindy’s going to be overjoyed when I walk into the house wearing this jacket…just the jacket.”
The jacket was the source of plenty discussions after the round as it was reported that last week’s winner Dean Trzewieczynski put something in the pocket of the jacket for the next winner to enjoy. Rumors as to what was left in the coat pocket included a Tim Horton’s coupon, a condom, and Joe Mills’ dildo. When Mason was asked the next day what was in the pocket, Mason snickered “I’m not at liberty to say, but I will tell you, Cindy was pleased with it when I came home.” Not sure exactly what that tells us about the gift, but Mason’s neighbors did confirm Cindy does enjoy coffee.
When Trzewieczynski laced the jacket, he thought he was gifting himself as he liked his chances at taking home the jacket for a second straight week. And after posting a season best 17 on the back-9, including 2 holes-in-one, he was on his way. But closing the round out with two 3’s and a 4 was only good for a 3rd place, 41. Playing with Trzewieczynski was his rival Jeff Luke who struggled on the front-9, missing several tap-ins and lipping 2 holes-in-one. Luke scored a 42. Disappointed in his play, he was even more disappointed that he let Trzewieczynski get the better of him that day. “He’s beaten me like twice, maybe three times EVER at ANYTHING. I let my kids down today. It will be the last time that happens this year.”
Playing with Luke and Trzewieczynski was Shawn Conschafter who needed 5 or 6 holes to sober up and get his game into shape. After playing 18-holes at Sheridan with fellow PIH player John Coyle, Conschafter and Coyle showed up early and continued their consumption at The Grill a couple of hours before the match. Despite Conschafter having a stretch of 9 straight 2’s, but that still wasn’t sobering enough as he recorded a 43, good for 10th place. Coyle also struggled for a second straight week, finding the sand 9 times in week-2 (2 better than the 11 in week-1) barely breaking 50 with an intoxicating 49. When asked HOW he hit in the sand so many times, Coyle angrily responded “I don’t fucking know. I’ve been drinking since noon and have played 36 holes, and you want me to recall every bad shot?” Those around him knew better to argue the point he can’t add 18-holes of real golf with 18-holes of putt-putt, so they nodded and drank their beer.
Just outside of the top-3 this week was Scott Wilson and Jay Flemming, who recorded 41’s with one hole-in-one, was just one hole-in-one behind 3rd place finisher Trzewieczynski. Wilson, who needed 6-weeks to score a hole-in-one last year, recorded his first ace on hole-17 this week. He was happy with his play but again disappointed at just missing the payout.
Flemming’s best work wasn’t the 41 he recorded; rather it was his efforts along with his father-in-law, Super Dave, who at Friday’s make-up round influenced Bryan An to abandon his boycott of alcohol and have a few beers with them. As the PIH Weekly predicted in its pre-season outlook (“Don’t be shocked if you see Mr. An at the bar succumbing to the pressures of his neighbor and fellow putter, Flemming.”), An fell victim to the guilt Flemming places on those around him who are not consuming alcohol or wings. An stumbled into NYBP hours after the round where several PIH players were canoodling, proclaiming Flemming as his savior. “I shot 2 strokes better because of it and I’m enjoying myself more. I didn’t know how much I missed beer until he poured the first one down my throat.” said an overjoyed An who recorded a 47. TMZ.com obtained this video captured by Flemming and An’s neighbors the next morning of a reportedly drunken An passed out on Flemming’s lawn. The authenticity of the video is being investigated.
Video: Putter In Hand Player Passed Out On Front Lawn
Improving on their first week’s score were the trio of Kevin Kelly, Tim Roesch and Jim Neville, who finished T6th, 8th and 9th respectively. Kelly’s scorecard was tripled checked, as were the scores of those playing with him, and it was confirmed he did shoot a 42 with one hole-in-one. Roesch, shot a 42 but fell out of 6th into 8th as he once again failed to record an ace. He did however record all 2’s on the back-9, a career best for Roesch. Neville, tied for the league in holes-in-one with 3, recorded one ace on his way to a 43. When asked how he could improve and contend for the title, Neville quipped “Stop playing with Whitey. I love the guy, he’s great, but damn, he yells every time he misses a putt. Guys yell when they get a hole-in-one, he yells when he putts.” Looking at Whitey’s score, he yelled often. Whitey scored a 46 and has yet to break the top-10, a far cry from his 2015 finish. When asked on Saturday why he hasn’t come to the bar yet this year he said “And watch someone else put the green jacket on? Screw that.” But he did promise to stop in after week-3 to have a birthday drink with his daughter who is expected to be in attendance week-3.
Tied for 13th place were two members of “6-pack”, Joe Neeson and Steve Pezzino, who both recorded a 44 with no holes-in-one. Both putters couldn’t overcome the many 3’s and 4’s and said they both just wanted to get back to the bar for the wings.
Harald Rehm, often an anchor in the rankings a perennial 50-shot scorer, once again shot in 40’s with a solid score of 45. Happy with his play, Rehm said knowing the course now has him feeling confident he could even contend for the green jacket someday. “I see these guys taking home the green jacket and know I can be like them one day. Maybe next week or the week after, but definitely someday.” a joyful Rehm proclaimed. Many have their doubts. Rehm did best his long-time pal Tim Remy who like last year, begins his descent to the cellar in week-2 by finishing in 17th place, scoring a pedestrian 47. Some believe he was distracted knowing his “friend” Eric Stegmeier was in attendance this week while others believe his adulterer ways are tiring him out. Whatever the reason, PIH competitors no longer fear Remy.
Finishing tied for 11th place are two golfers yet to play a round at the regularly schedule time slot, Jeff Kelly and Mark VeRost both recorded 44’s with one hole-in-one. Kelly claimed to have a “work thing” while VeRost was auditioning for the Sabres and had a hockey game to play. PIH players are said to not be happy with their lack of attendance and has asked the commissioner of the league to step in and penalize individuals for not attending or more restrictions around make-up rounds. The commissioner dismissed the requests stating the league trusts its players and the scores they turn in.
And closing out the field of 24 is Tony Rotella and James Geniti who are doing their best impressions of Harald. Both putters have yet to break 50. Despite improving his score by 4 strokes, Rotella scored a 50 while Geniti scored his second straight 54. Both putters have nowhere to go but up at this point.
Week-2 Fun Facts:
- Average Score: 44.19 (44.875 for the season)
- Holes-in-one: 12
- Best front-9: 19 (Whitey; tied league record from several putters)
- Best back-9: 17 (Trzewieczynski; league record 16 by VeRost)
- 4 Holes-in-one were recorded on the 17th hole; just 3 holes-in-one were recorded on the front-9
- 6 putters have yet to record a hole-in-one
- Biggest improvement week-over-week: -4 (Wilson, Roesch, Rotella)
- Biggest decline week-over-week: +4 (Remy)