Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
Tonawanda, NY – For the second straight week, a score of 37 and 2 holes in one is the score to beat as Jeff Luke takes week-2. Paired with last year’s 2nd and 4th place finishers, Tom Barbops and Jay Flemming respectively, and returning putter Brian Kimpel, Luke showed the only steady hands of the group outshooting each by an average of 8-strokes. Luke opened with a 19 on the front and finished with an 18 and 2 holes in one on the back, just missing the course record by one stroke.
“I saw Barbops start the day with a 4 on hole one and knew he wasn’t going to be a factor. Then saw Flemming miss a few tap-ins early then a 5 on hole-8 sealed the deal. I had these two guys covered and that was all the motivation I needed to stay focused and claim another green jacket.” Barbops finished with a 44 and 1 hole in one while Flemming finished with a 45 and one ace. When asked about Kimpel, who fiished with a 46 and 2 holes in one, Luke quipped “Haha. He took last year off to spend more time with a kitten he bought for his wife. Then he shows up wearing Van Halen jeans in week-1 and shows up late in week-2? Come on man! He’s not dedicated like the rest of us. Until he shows the dedication and the willingness to do anything to win like his BFF, I don’t worry about him.” Luke stands alone atop the leaderboard after week-2 while Barbops slips 2 spots to 3rd, Flemming drops to 9th and Kimpel to 14th.
That “BFF” of Kimpel and the “willingness to do anything to win” attitude Luke was speaking of was notorious rules violator Jeff Hewett. Hewett, who finished 3 strokes behind Luke with a 40 and 1 hole in one, has apparently changed his ways after his playing partner Scott VeRost had nearly turned in an incorrect scorecard. VeRost had been keeping score for his group and after tallying the round told Hewett he had scored a 38. Not convinced of this, Hewett recounted his score and in fact had scored a 40. Not only was his score off, but all 3 putters in his group had incorrect scores. The first clue VeRost should have had that something wasn’t right was when he scored himself a 43. VeRost hadn’t scored that low since week-2 of last year. He had also scored Tim Remy with a 46 but that was corrected to be a 49. When Hewett was asked about the apparent counting error and how it happened he said “I think it was an inside job to be completely honest with you. I think someone in the commissioner’s office had paid VeRost to miscount my strokes so I would incur a penalty and a harder time winning this league.” When asked why he thought this he said “It all adds up. One more rules infraction and I will be suspended for a week. You miss a week, you have no chance at winning the league. I think they’re afraid of me and my skillz.” He continued “I’m on thin ice with the commissioners right now and the last thing I need is for someone else’s apparent error to cause me strokes.” Not to be lost in all this accounting controversy is the continued collapse of “Little Mr. Remyr” who finished in last place this week. Remy was unavailable to comment after the match but reports out of TMZ suggest he’s going through some relationship troubles and that may be impacting his game. Unnamed sources close to Remy say he’s trying to get over an old flame and he just can’t stop talking about it. “Even on the course he’s bringing her name up.” says a source familiar to situation. When asked for the name of the old flame, all our source would say is that “It rhymes with minzzy.” Remy sits in 2nd from last place overall thanks to Steck who hasn’t played a round yet this year, while Hewett sits in 7th place and VeRost tied for 12th.
The one person thankful of Remy’s collapse is Bryan An who in just the 2nd week of play nearly failed to achieve his 2017 goal: don’t break 50 or finish in last place on any given week. An shot a 46 which placed him just above Remy for the week and in 17th place for the year. Playing with An was a pair of Scott’s: Mason and Wilson. Wilson, a perennial underachiever shot a career best 40 which put him in the money for the first time. Wilson sits tied for 12th place but is moving in the right direction. Also moving in the right direction, albeit slowly, was one-time jacket winner Mason who posted a 46 with 1 hole in one, just one stroke better than last week. Mason started off with a rough front-9 score of 25 but finished with a 21 on the back despite missing several tap ins. Mason has vowed to soil the green jacket again this year and looks to improve in week-3.
And rounding out the week-2 crew was the trio of Dean Trzewieczynski, Tim Roesch, and Joe Neeson. The threesome started off hot, shooting 21, 22, 21 respectfully on the front, then followed it up with a 21, 21, 22 on the back. Trzewieczynski finished with a 42 with 1 hole in one while Roesch finished with a 43 and 1 hole in one and Neeson with a straight up 43. This grouping had the lowest average scorecard turned in at 42.666 per putter. Trzewieczynski sits alone in 4th place while Roesch moves up to 7th and Neeson to 10th. This group seemed to be getting along well until Roesch tried to undercut the group by throwing $6 into the kitty after drinking a pitcher of beer and 20-wings himself. Neeson quickly caught on to Roesch’s shenanigans and called Rosch out. “What the F are you doing, Timmi?” yelled an angry Neeson pulling the $6 out of the kitty while flailing it in Roesch’s face. “My Grand Island crew may be a bunch of loud mouth assholes with drinking problems and no manners, but they would never stiff anyone on the bill. This is the last time I sit at the ‘cool kids’ table if this is the kind of shit you pull!” the normally tame Neeson exclaimed. Trzewieczynski, still on cloud-9 and celebrating his honeymoon laughed it off and offered to throw in if Roesch couldn’t afford his portion of the tab. Roesch explained it was a simple mistake and threw in his fair share of the tab, but not without others noting the incident and warned they would be on the lookout for such acts in the future.
Not in attendance for the 2nd straight week was Tony Rotella who turned in a questionable 41 with 1 hole in one. Video surveillance is still being reviewed as Rotella’s two aces on the difficult 18th hole are still being questioned by a large number of PIH putters. Until we conclude our reviews, the PIH league has ruled his scores will stand.
Also missing from this week’s action was the aforementioned Grand Island Crew of Shawn Conschafter, John Coyle and Jim Neville who as a group pre-putted and suspiciously shot well for the 2nd week in a row. Conschafter shot a 41 with 2 holes in one, Neville a 44, and Coyle a 45. Conschafter sits in 2nd place overall while Coyle moved to 5th and Neville to 11th. After the match the commissioner called an emergency rules committee meeting to discuss the Grand Island Crew and them playing together 2-weeks in a row and scoring nearly 1.5 strokes below their average to date. The rules committee has put in place a rule known as the “Grand Island 6” named after the 6 Grand Island putters: Conschafter, Coyle, Neeson, Neville, VeRost and Steck. The rule states “Any putter with a past or current residency in Grand Island, or any drunk who has spent days on the couch of a Grand Island putter, must be accompanied by a putter with a residency outside the Grand Island postal code or their scores are subject to a 2-stroke penalty.” This rule is effective immediately and is not disputable by anyone with a past or current residency in Grand Island.
And that concludes week-2 and all the focus is now on week-3 and The Masters, the first major of the season. This major is worth 1.75 points and is where the real putters separate themselves from the pretenders. It should be a full-house as everyone looks to take home the jacket at The Masters.
Week-2 Fun Facts:
- Average Score: 44.21 (.37 strokes better than week-1)
- Holes-in-one: 13 (equaling the week-1 total)
- Best front-9: 19 (Luke)
- Best back-9: 18 (Luke & Wilson)
- The 3 Scott’s in the league sit back to back to back in T-12th and 14th place
- Luke became the 2nd player in as many weeks to wear the green jacket for the 2nd time
- Leader in Holes in One for the year: Conschafter (4)
- Neville, Remy and Steck (who hasn’t putted yet) are the only putters not to record a Hole in One
- Remy is on track to have the 3rd worse average score for the year at 49