Weekly Recaps

TONAWANDA, NY – After nearly four years away from the course, Putter-In-Hand was to return to action and bring a sense of normalcy to the lives of many that live for these 10-weeks out of the year. It was a time to come together to celebrate the freedoms we as Americans have as well as the perseverance of making it through a global pandemic. Apparently, not everyone got that message.

As nearly two dozen putters descended on the course in Tonawanda, putters were filled with optimism and joy as the pressured filled dome was consumed with a buzz unlike any week in PIH history. There were many familiar faces and several new. Putters gathered at the Grill beforehand to enjoy their first pre-PIH beer in nearly four years. It was apparent that a few putters (Conschafter) were working on their third or fourth happy hour of the day.

It was to be a great night.

League founder, President, Commissioner, 5-time green-jacket winner, and two-time league champion, Jeff Luke had a surprise for the league. He brought in the Buffalo Sabres Anthem Guy, Doug Allen, to sing the National Anthem. It was a beautiful start to the season.

It then got hostile.

During the League Rules Review, it was announced that in 2022 there was a new challenge "Harald's Bitch" that PIH participants could join. The "challenge" was as follows: Participants could opt-in to a $10 challenge where all they had to do each week, beginning week-2, was to not let Harald Rehm beat them. The last putter standing wins the pot. If more than one participant is left standing after the 9-weeks, they split the pot. If Harald beats you, Harald wins $1 (Harald has no skin in the game). If Harald clears the board and takes everyone out, well, Harald wins the pot.

Several PIH participants loved the idea of this "challenge" and were ready to join in on the fun. One person didn't love this challenge:

Harald. He took offense to it!

"You think I'm some sort of shitty putter? You think I suck?" Harald quipped in an unusually deep voice. "That's it! I'm sick of being everyone's bitch. This Harald came to play in 2022. You're all gonna be my bitch by the end of the year!"

Jeff Hewett, Harald’s lifelong friend, noted this was a Harald he’d never seen.

“Wow. Harald is fired up. I haven’t seen him this angry since Kimpel stole his Cabbage Patch Kid in 1982.” Hewett told the press after. “Ever since that incident, Kimpel has bent over backwards for Harald consistently. Literally.” Hewett said.

This new “challenge” did bring out a New Harald PIH may not endure.

But the group laughed off Harald’s antics and marched to their designated tee-boxes to kick the season off.

18-holes later, the results were astonishing.

After playing bridesmaid twice before, Jay Flemming was able to finally close the deal and scored a career best 35 with 1 hole-in-one to take home his first career green jacket. Just behind Flemming was Jeff Hewett (37-1) and Mike Mondoux (38-1) with very respectable week-1 scores.

But no one was talking about the money finishers. It was the 4th place finisher that everyone was talking about: Harald.

Harald went out and shot his load, scoring a 39 with, get this, 2 holes-in-one! It's been 30+ years since Harald scored two holes in one night!

"I told you, bitches! This is the new Harald!" he proclaimed afterwards. "Where's my money? I can't wait to claim all your money on my taxes this year!" bragged the nerdy CPA from Lancaster.

Harald was so excited he did well in week-1 he forgot that the "challenge" didn't start until week-2. We'll have to see how many people are deterred by his performance in week-1 and put there money in the "sure bet" starting week-2.

But as Harald was owning the Grill. Flemming sat somber. “No one has talked about me, my performance tonight.” Flemming cried as he dug his hands in the green jacket.

Excitedly, Flemming pulls out of the jacket pocket a “fresh” condom a previous winner must of placed in the pocket during one of their nights with the jacket. “I’m going home and using this. Brenda will appreciate my efforts.” an aroused Flemming exclaimed.

Always the careful one, Hewett inspected the condom and noticed the wrapper was dated. “You can’t use this Jay” said Hewett. “It’s dated 2002”

Flemming was immediately somber once again. Flemming then flung the condom to the floor. Harald passing at that moment saw the condom and joyfully picked it up exclaiming “By bitches, I’m going to Kimpel’s now!”

Hewett was about to inform Harald of the dated wrapper when Flemming stopped him “No, let him go. He’s taken the joy from me up until this point. Knowing he’s going to use that makes my day great again.”

And just like that, the Grill was peaceful again and Flemming was enjoying a Coors Light and some wings as the week-1 champion.

In other news...

Finishing tied for 5th was Jason Cox and Tom Barbops. Cox was the best performing rookie of 2022 and showed that the blend of NT & Grand Island is a formula that leads to success. Meanwhile, Barbops showed once again showed his consistency by putting another sub-40 round together and finishing in the top-5.

Finishing alone in 7th place was pre-putting Bryan An. Like Harald, An's week-1 performance is likely his best and doesn't expect to be much a threat in weeks tom come.

In 8th place was another pre-putter and never-a-threat Jim Neville. Vegas has 3-to-1 odds that Neville's 7th place finish will be his best finish of the season.

Rob Vickers was expected to be a contender in his rookie season and his 9th place finish made Vegas look like they knew what they were talking about. Vickers tends to take athletic competitions a bit too serious so only time will tell if he can sustain the pace and not succumb to the pressure.

Rounding out the top-10 is Shawn Conschafter. Despite not scoring a hole-in-one, Conschafter was still able to finish with a respectable 41.

Pat Holden, paired with defending champion Jeff Luke (17th) and Scott Verost (20th), finished in 11th place. Like many before, this too may be Holden's best week.

Joel Cady, John Coyle, and Steve Steck all finished in 12th place with 42's. Of this group, only Coyle is expected to have a chance at a green jacket.

Scott Wilson was alone in 15th place and begging to be on the rules committee. Not a fan of many of the rules, Wilson has begun petitioning league members for a seat on the imaginary PIH Rules Board. Flemming is said to be working on a deal where Wilson will buy a Coors Light every week of the season in exchange for Flemming's vote on the board. League officials have indicated this is not against the bylaws.

In 16th wsa pre-putting Nick Keil. Nick has never performed well on or off the course but does like long walks on the beach if you are single and interested.

As mentioned, Luke was finished in 17th place just ahead of Chris Wilkinson who shot a career worst 44.

In 19th and 20th place were brothers Mark and Scott Verost. Seemingly out of contention, the only thing left to play for are bragging rights in the family. After week-1, Mark has a slight advantage but that's not saying much as Scott has never been a threat on the course.

Tied for 21st was Joe Neeson and Title IX participant Kelly Caito. Both shot a 48 which, for Neeson, is exceptional. For Caito, it's likely the worst round she will shoot all year. Caito admitted afterwards she was a bit nervous being the first female putter in the league but vowed to do better on the course and afterwards at the Grill. Caito was seen leaving much earlier than expected but was later seen at the Cricket on Erie Ave. in North Tonawanda playing a few games of darts.

Rounding out the bottom-three was pre-putter Steve Maziarz, Brenan Dracup, and Dominic LoVallo.

Maziarz was expected to be a fairly decent rookie but failed to show any promise.

Dracup is a force on the cornhole circuit. On the links, he blows.

LoVallo, despite finishing in last place, showed the most promise and potential of the three. His "want" is greater than most in the league. If he can learn the course, Vegas is betting his week-10 score is 10 strokes better.

And with that, the league is underway. It's great to be back on the course doing what we love...

Godspeed!