Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
TONAWANDA, NY – After fielding NUMEROUS complaints regarding Chris Wilkinson’s pre-putting “shenanigans”, League officials convened in a virtual legislature session just hours before week-three’s Masters. The League acted swiftly and handed down a unanimous decision and put into effect “The Wilks Rule” within minutes.
As reported on PutterInHand.com, the rule, which has since been modified by impeached Appellate Committee President, Scott Wilson, prohibits putters from pre or post putting the week of a Major less than three hours before the Major tee-off.
Within an hour of the new league rule being announced, Wilkinson went on a social media blitz in an effort to “clear his name”. His management team sent this letter to news agencies:
“Can the once proud institution of PIH reclaim it(s) rightful place in sports prodigiousness? They had a place next the greats of sports. NFL, NHL, PGA and the Premier league. But with the recent turmoil and lack of clear direction the league finds itself on a downward spiral. The Liv tour has surpassed it. What's next to leapfrog, The Angry Buffalo Cornhole league. Two rule changes in less than 2 weeks. Most leagues wait until after the season to change rules. Rule enforcement during the season, absolutely but not changes. As of right now the only thing the players have to look forward to is at the end of the night. Hallway putting and whether or not Conschafter loses his putter after his 15 beers.”
Joining Wilkinson in taking shots at the League was fellow GIX Member Jim Neville. Neville, whose Thursday night’s attendance has put him in hot water with the league, sent out several offensive comments as well as poorly created GIFs featuring the league commissioner, Jeff Luke’s, likeness. “Rules changes day of is bush league” cried Neville along with a GIF of Judge Judy bearing Luke’s face.
These actions didn’t sit well with several putters in the league.
“The integrity of the league is something I have always admired” exclaimed John Coyle, League Counsel.
“This is not how you talk about our leader and the League” said newly appointed Appellate Committee President, Bryan in a recent live stream on his Only Fans site.
With that, just like the previous 32-weeks Putter-In-Hand has been played, putters gathered at the Grill for a beverage then headed to the course to let their putter do the talking.
In an ironic twist, Wilkinson was paired with the author of the new Wilks Rule, Coyle, and Never-a-Factor Pat Holden. Wilkinson, feeling the pressure of the day’s events had to also contend with Luke in the three-some behind him.
Wilkinson’s nerves didn’t hold up as he, and Holden, posted a 45 with no holes in one, good for 18th place. To add to the damage of the week, Wilkinson’s poor performance also resulted in him being eliminated from the Harald’s Challenged pool. Harald shot a pre-putt 43 with one hole in one.
Harald’s pre-putt also created a bit of a controversy and lead to Scott Wilson’s run as Appellate Committee President end at 6 hours and 13 minutes. Despite the rules being announced week-1 and being posted on the site, Wilson did the unthinkable: He criticized the League.
League Officials called for their second emergency session at the Grill and replaced Wilson with An as Appellate Committee President.
“An represents what this league is about: Honesty, Joy, Beer, and Wings” said a league spokesperson. “An has what it takes to sustain normalcy in this League”.
An has been a force through the first three weeks of the season and sits in 3rd place overall after posting his 3rd top-7 finish after 3-weeks.
As Luke watched Wilkinson crumble right before his eyes, he was energized by what he was seeing. After shooting an uncharacteristic 44 in W1, Luke has shed 4 strokes off his score in week-2 and again in week-3, posting a 36 with 2 holes in one.
Off one stroke from the league record, Luke won his second straight Masters and moved up 10 spots to 5th place overall. Luke also sits atop on the hole-in-one leader board with 4 after 3 weeks.
“Every time I saw Wilkinson miss, I dug down that much more and capitalized on his mistakes. His biggest mistake was to target his frustrations on me.” said Luke after the round. “I’m happy to be back atop the League I built. The League others are trying to take over.”
In other news, Tom Barbops finished in 2nd place to move into 2rd place overall, just behind Jeff Hewett who finished the Masters in 3rd place. Hewett leads Barbops by just 0.25 points after 3 weeks of play.
“There’s still a lot of weeks to play. Hewett hasn’t had his typical bad week yet. I like where I sit.” said a confident Barbops. “He’s not wrong” replied Hewett.
Finishing in 4th place and sitting in 4th place overall is Shawn Conschafter. Conschafter, who hasn’t been seen at the Grill before 6:00 yet this season, seems to be more focused than usual. Like Hewett, it’s just a matter of time before Conschafter breaks.
Week-1 winner, Jay Flemming sits tied for 6th overall with Mike Mondoux. Flemming dropped 5 spots after posting an 11th place 43+1. Tying Flemming was Coyle and Wilson who stay in the Harald’s Challenged as Harald too shot a 43+1.
Finishing in 15th was last week’s winner, Joe Neeson, who shot 6 strokes higher this week and dropped 14 spots from last week’s finish.
Sitting alone in 17th place was Jason Cox. Cox dropped 7 spots overall after posting a 44+1. The pressure of the league is clearly getting to Cox as he continues to slide down the leader board and is currently settled at 12th overall.
Tied for 18th overall was Pat Holden and last week’s 3rd place money finisher Scott Verost. Holden continues to be a non-factor on the course and is clearly missing his parking lot partner Tim Roesch. Verost on the other-hand, pre-putted with his girlfriend shot 7-strokes worse than the week before. Shooting 8 strokes better this week, was Scott’s brother Mark. Mark shot a respectable 42+0 to finish tied for 9th with Rookie of the Year candidate Dom LoVallo. Dom has yet to record a hole-in-one but did shoot his 2nd consecutive round in the 40’s.
Shooting her career best 47+0, Caito was pleased to beat bottom-dweller and one-time athlete Steve Steck. Steck recorded a very respectable 19 on his first 9 holes. He followed that up with a 29 on the back-9. This collapse is thought to be the largest front-9/back-9 difference in league history. Steck finished 22nd and sits at 22nd overall.
Sources say Steck is considering retirement.