Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
TONAWANDA, NY – The Putter-In-Hand league kicked off its 2023 season with all the subtlety of a bulldozer crashing through a China shop (no offense, Bryan). Week-1 was a historic night for many reasons.
The largest PIH field ever assembled, a whopping 26 putters, teed off Thursday and gave it their best shot at wearing the prestigious PIH green jacket home. With two pre-putting and another five left to put, the field has expanded to a whopping 33 putters this season! Many have wondered if we need to call upon the Town expand the dome or if the Grill can even handle such a ruckus crowd on a Thursday night.
The other historic event to take place Thursday was yet another barrier broken by the ever-inclusive PIH league. In 2016 the league welcomed its first minority, Bryan An to the league. While An is not much of a putter, he did check the box and is very entertaining at The Grill afterwards.
In 2022, the league witnessed Kelly Caito breaking the ceiling as the first woman putter. While she has yet to prove much on the course, like An, Caito is a welcomed addition at The Grill.
And 2023, PIH had its first minority green jacket winner as Lebanon native Jason Cox took first place with an impressive, career low, 36 with 1 hole-in-one. His 36 was an incredible 11 stroke better than his last round, week-8 of 2022. Cox’s best score to date came in week-1 of 2022 when he shot a 39. Cox hasn’t sniffed a round in the 30’s until this week but that was the last thing on Cox’s mind.
“This was the greatest moment of my life” gushed an ecstatic Cox the next day. “Honestly. It was greater than the birth of my children. Greater than my wedding day. Maybe not as great as my divorce. But definitely greater than my second marriage. I haven’t felt this happy since…”
That’s when jubilation turned ugly as a belligerent Joe Neeson jumped in. “Build a f****** wall and don’t let them in.” Neeson was clearly upset at yet another 2nd place finish and not having won the green jacket without an asterisk. “I’m tired of these people coming to Grand Island, calling it home, and taking what is rightfully ours. He shouldn’t be here. This isn't his "home". He needs to go back where he came from and he shouldn’t be in this league. Where’s Rudy? Where’s My Pillow guy? Check the papers, he’s not legit.”
Cox, always a gentleman on the course and in the men’s room, was perplexed by the blatant racism spewed his way. “Are you out of your mind, Neeson? This is a free country. A welcoming league. Your words are deplorable.”
That is when Neeson came to his senses and realized his words were misunderstood. “Cox is not a Grand Islander. This isn't his home. And he’s never been to Lebanon. Stop calling him a minority. He’s from North Tonawanda. Maziarz is from North Tonawanda. And now they go and bring in two more from North Tonawanda this year? This (Grand) island and this league is going to shit because of these people. Build a wall or I’m moving out.”
That is when Cox turned to the mayor of Grand Island, Jim Neville, and demanded action. “I need you to take action on Neeson and I demand an immediate hearing on this issue.” Neville, never one to turn down a hearing, took the case during the half-time of the Bills game Sunday and issued an immediate resolution. “I have no idea what either one of you just said. Frankly, I don’t care. I hereby declare you both assholes for wasting my time. Case dismissed.” And like that, Neville slammed down his Bud Light and grabbed another.
A frustrated Neeson stormed out, missing the second half of the Bills game, and made his way home. The next morning, it was reported that a for sale sign had been put in-front of Neeson’s house and some believe a dejected Neeson may be sticking to his word and moving off the island.
The media is corroborating the story and will report Neeson’s whereabouts when they are known. But truth be told, no one from Grand Island or anywhere else for that matter, really cares where Neeson is.
In other news…
Sharing second place with Neeson was Tom Barbops with scores of 37 and one Hi1 each. With 2nd and 3rd place monies carrying over, both putters are said to be top-10 candidates for the 2023 season. It's not a surprise that Barbops' name is in the discussion for a top-10 finish but Neeson's is. Neeson poured it on late in 2022 and his outburst at Cox and a 2nd place finish in 2023 demonstrates how serious he is taking this league. He's not only an "asshole" (Neville's words, not the author's), but he's a contender too.
Jay Flemming (38-1), Jeff Luke (39-2), Nick Keil (39-1), and Steve Steck (39-1) and Mike Mondoux (39-0) had rollercoaster rounds but managed to all break 40 the first week.
And rounding out the top-10, last year’s winner Jeff Hewett and Shawn Conschafter both shot 40’s with no holes-in-one. It’s expected that Hewett stays in the top-10 all year while Vegas expects this to be Conschafter’s best finish of the year.
Rounding out the 28 recorded scores in week-1 was Kelly Caito with a score of 48 and one Hi1. It took Caito until her 9th week on the tour to record her first hole-in-one last year and she has recorded one each week since. That is the 4th longest active Hi1 streak in the league (Barbops has a 5 week Hi1 streak). Caito continues to prove that putt-putt isn't just for the boys.
Caito and Cox’s performance continues to highlight the diversity and inclusivity of the league, where players of all genders and origins can compete.
Stay tuned for more updates and highlights from the Putter-In-Hand league as the season unfolds. The journey to the green jacket has only just begun, and there are sure to be many twists, turns, and controversies along the way. Just as we like it.
Other Notes:
Four putters didn't make the BAP line but only two were eliminated. The BAP line was set at 45.5-0.5 and Eric Alstrom and Alex Keil made the wise decision of not getting into the BAP as they would have been eliminated. Instead, Todd O'Bryan and Trevor Duffy were the first two to fall at the hands of Caito and Maziarz.
Nine putters got in the hole-in-one challenge. Jeff Hewett was first up and he missed by an inch. Joel Cady was up next and he lipped out. The pot carriers over.
Three Two new putters joined the league the day after week-1. Justin Brindenbaker, Mark Marinucci, and Scott Lis joined, making the total putter count to 33 32! They still have to putt as does Mark Verost and Harald Rehm.