Weekly Recaps
Post-round write-ups from the commissioner
TONAWANDA, NY – Growing up on the “east side” (of Grand Island) as the 2nd oldest of 4 boys, Scott Verost claims from an early age to have fought for survival and recognition in every aspect of life.
“Many nights my family didn’t have enough food to feed the entire family a hot meal so we had to wrestle for food at the dinner table many nights. It’s why I’m so skinny in my 50’s.” said Verost while appearing to wipe tears from his eyes as he grabbed another sip from the winner’s chalice and donning the green jackets for a 2nd time in his career.
“I’m just grateful to be alive today and even more grateful to my new wife to allow me to train for this league and spend 5 days a week away from her at my shack in the west side lifting weights and putting 1,000 strokes a night.” Verost continued, referring to his long-distance marriage he and his wife Maria have entered into in the off-season. “Since my green jacket victory in week 10 last season I got married and dedicated myself to the sport of putt-putt. I quit drinking during the season and am on a strict low-carb diet.” he said as he ordered another water with lemon, making him the first winner of the prestigious chalice to not take advantage of the free drinks the winner is awarded at The Grill.
“Growing up, I wasn’t the athlete my brothers were. I wasn’t very good at school either. So, I had to do more than most others did to be recognized and excel. And boy have I excelled at putting. I’m the best putter from the (Grand) Island and there’s no hotter putter in the circuit.” Verost boasted short of facts.
While Verost does have three first place finishes and two green jackets over the past 7 weeks carrying into last year, he does have an 18th and 26th place finish to go along with those scores. While he has had some recent success, and sits 9th overall in career earnings, he still sits in 16th place overall for the season and boasts a paltry 43.3 career scoring average, below non-factors such as Shawn Tracey, Nick Keil, and Jim Neville.
Scott’s claims about his putting are not the only things factually incorrect according to Scott’s brother, Mark, who is also in the league.
“Listen, Scott’s full of shit.” Mark told reporters after Scott left claiming he had to hit the gym before bed in hopes of being the second repeat winner this season. Mark continued “We lived in a large house in a great neighborhood in the suburbs of Grand Island. My mother cooked us a hot meal every night. He didn’t have it rough. He made it rough.” Clearly Scott’s words were nothing new for Mark.
When asked about why Scott was skinny compared to his siblings Mark was quick to point out “Scott’s not skinny cause he wasn’t fed. He’s skinny because he doesn’t stop talking long enough to eat a meal. I’m not skinny. Never was. You see my brothers? Not skinny. Scott’s always bullshitting someone somewhere.”
Mark was clearly agitated by Scott’s words. When asked why it bothered him so much Mark replied “I got him into the league. I was the first Verost to win a green jacket. I don’t care if I win another. I’m here for the comradery and good food at The Grill. And since he joined in 2016 he brings his bullshit to the league I once enjoyed.”
Mark then let reporters know he actually left the league that he loved after Scott’s first year. “I couldn’t take it. He became obsessed. I left for two years and came back thinking his lack of success early in his career would humble him and shut him up. It didn’t. He won the green jacket last year and all I hear about is his training.” Mark said sternly. “I stopped going to family parties and didn’t attend Christmas dinner because of Scott. I’m just tired of it. Tired of him.”
Clearly the Verost brothers have some familial issues to sort out. As for Scott’s perception he has entered the elite tier of PIH putters he needs to come down to reality.
“I heard what that knucklehead said.” mumbled a dejected Chris Wilkinson who came in second place, falling to Scott by a hole-in-one. Wilkinson still hasn’t worn the green jacket home, finishing second five times in his career and third four other times. “I’ve accomplished more than Scott in my putting and golfing career.” Wilkinson commented before a tipsy Shawn Conschafter could interrupt. “You may have a hole-in-one in fake golf, but you don’t have what I have and 8 others from Grand Island have, a green jacket. Bitch.” Conschafter walked away after mimicking a mic drop while Wilkinson was left speechless knowing for once, Conschafter was right. Wilkinson sits in 3rd overall going into the week-5 major and will likely start his plunge out of the top-5.
In other news…
Dom LoVallo was the first to ace the hole-in-one challenge and took home $190! With about 6’ to go, he confidently raised his hand in glory, knowing he had the line. It was reported by sources close to the league that Dom didn’t make it home with the winnings before throwing all of it on the Buffalo Bills minus 10.5. Unfortunately for Dom, the Bills didn’t cover, but he did go home with a memory of a lifetime.
After the first week of Tag Team action, team US Express comprised of Wilkinson and Trevor Duffy take an early lead over The Young Stallions Steve Steck and Scott Verost and Money Inc. Harald Rehm and Joe Jankowski. The success of the new tag team competition can be realized as this is just the second time in 6 seasons in the league Harald’s name was mentioned for being in the top-3.
Rookie Joe Jankowski finished in the money for the first time in his career with a personal best 36-1, good for 3rd place. Janks sits in 13th place overall and is expected to make a push up the overall leader board.
And rounding out the top-5 was Jason Cox and Jeff Luke. One and two overall for the season, this duo tied for 4th place in week-4 with a 37-1. Vegas has predicted a decline for Cox but his back-to-back 4th place finishes has tampered those predictions a bit. Cox and Luke also sit one-two in total holes-in-one and total strokes after four weeks of play.
No one was eliminated from BAP in week-4 thanks to the play of…neither one of them. Maziarz finished in 22nd place and Caito in 29th for a 45.5-0 BAP line. This was the 3rd time in four weeks the diabolical-duo combined for a score of 91. At this rate, they won’t be able to afford a shot of Fireball with their winnings at the end of the year.
Week-5 is The US Open major and is worth 1.5x. Best of luck gentleman and lady.