Weekly Recaps

TONAWANDA, NY – After a difficult week-1 where nothing seemed to be dropping, Tom Barbops rebounded and shot a personal best 34+5, just one stroke off the course record. When asked what the difference was between week's one and two, Barbops said "The chaos of week-1 and all the new faces in the league got to me."

"I wasn't expecting all these douche bags from Grand Island or where ever they came from. I thought we built a wall to block anymore deplorables from that island but I guess not." said an uncharacteristically outspoken Barbops after he downed a ceremonial beer from the gravy bowl which has become the newest tradition of Putter-In-Hand.

Barbops also claimed the difference between his performance between week's one and two was the performance of his spouse in the minutes leading up to him teeing off.

"Week-1, the ole lady got home from work late and I had Scotty (Wilson) texting me as I was trying to perform. I couldn't get the vision of him out of my head and I couldn't perform if you know what I mean. I was late to the Grill and was rushed to the tee box with a bit of pent up frustration. This week, I was relaxed if you know what I mean" said Barbops as he made a thrusting gesture and a face one never wants to see again.

With Barbops' performance ON THE GREEN, he moves into the top-10 tied with Steve Steck who found himself in a bit of controversy not unfamiliar to him. This time, it's Steck's balls that landed him in the league's radar. Some are calling it 'Ballgate 2024'.

Several putters have been caught tampering with their balls in years past: Jeff Hewett famously loaded his balls in November 2016 while Coyle tainted his in October 2022. The latest in ball tampering is Steck who has allegedly emptied his balls to improve his performance on the green.

Steck has been known to a ball or two in the men's room of The Grill at the behest of a Grill girl or two, but never on the course until now.

With Steck’s balls in question, the PIH Competition Committee immediately convened to investigate his alleged tampering. A committee member familiar with Steck's balls, speaking under the condition of anonymity, said, "It’s not the first time Steck’s balls have been a topic of debate, his balls have been a topic of many establishments on the island, but this is a new low—even for him. You’d think a guy like Steck would know better than to meddle with his equipment so blatantly. But hey, when it comes to his balls, he’s never been one to play by the rules."

Steck, for his part, was quick to deny any wrongdoing, citing that his balls were just "naturally soft." In a heated post-game interview, Steck exclaimed, "You all know I have perfect balls. If anyone’s balls should be examined, it’s Maziarz's! That guy’s balls are totally fake." Steck obviously taking a jab at Maziarz who has undergone testicular enhancement surgery after successfully beating cancer several years ago.

The Competition Committee wasn't convinced by Steck’s impassioned defense with one member reflecting on the past. "We’ve seen this before. Once guys get a taste of the top 10, their balls suddenly become the stuff of legends. Hewett, Coyle, Steck. They've all won with bad balls. This isn’t our first rodeo with manipulated balls."

A formal investigation is now underway and as rumor has it, Steck’s balls have already been sent to a lab for testing, where a team of physicists are hard at work analyzing what he calls their ‘natural softness.’ Early results suggest they may defy the laws of physics—or just the laws of good sportsmanship.

Several league veterans already weighing in. Newcomer to the league Kevin Wylke had this to say "I may be knew to the league but I'm very familiar with Steck's balls. Many male and female patrons of my Grand Island establishments have filed complaints over the years about Steck's balls. His balls were doing things today I’ve only seen pros do with their balls, and let’s face it, Steve’s no pro."

As the league gears up for next week’s first major, all eyes will be on Steck’s balls. Whether or not they’ll pass the league’s rigorous inspection remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: when it comes to Steck’s balls, the saga is not over.

In other action, John Coyle for the 2nd week in a row has finished 2nd overall. With a 34+4, Coyle takes a commanding lead heading into The Masters. Coyle sits 4 points ahead of possibly the most shocking putter to be in the top-5 after 2 weeks, Jim Neville.

Neville has had back-to-back top-5 finishes to start the season. When reporters asked what's different this year compared to years past, Neville didn't respond. Reports were then reminded of Neville's hearing disability and with the help of an interpreter signed Neville asking him again what the difference was. Neville laughingly said "I've completely tuned all the chatter out." obviously making a self-deprecating joke about himself to the group of reports. "No really, I have no fucking clue. It's luck. I'll suck soon."

Rounding out the top-5 in week-2 were Londonderry teammates Trevor Duffy and Jay Flemming who shot a 36+3 and 37+3 respectively. Their performance has moved Duffy to 17th overall and Flemming to tied for 5th with another Londonderry teammate, Nick Keil.

The duo of Nick and Alex Keil have been able to eliminate 20 of the 36 putters thus far this season. When asked how the KO Keil event was going, brother Nick didn't mince words on why they haven't eliminated more putters "Alex sucks. He's been awful the first two weeks and I don't see it getting any better." When asked what they have to do to eliminate with 16 remaining putters, Nick had was quick to point the blame "Alex has to suck less!"

Rounding out the league events for week-2, Rod Pirson, Eric Alstrom, Tim Kazukiewicz, Mark Verost, Kevin Wylke, Geoff Zander, and Beau Harper were all eliminated from the Survivor pool play.

While some putters can breathe easy knowing they've avoided elimination, others remain in a purgatory of putter’s limbo. Three still need to post their scores, leaving six poor souls awaiting their fate: Scott Wilson is waiting on Dan Jakielaszak to post putt; Jim Randals is waiting on Dave Richards; and Jake Donn is waiting on Brenan Dracup.

Reminder, week-3 is the first of four majors and is worth 1.75. Good luck, putters!

Fun Facts:

Last year's champion, Shawn Conschafter, is sitting in 20th place overall which does pay out this year.

Tom Barbops has the most holes-in-one after two weeks: 7. Coyle is in 2nd place with 6. Six others are tied with 4.

There are just 3 holes which no one has yet to score a hole-in-one this year: 2, 11, and 14.