Weekly Recaps

TONAWANDA, NY – Week 5 of the Putter-In-Hand (PIH) League was nothing short of unforgettable. Tom Barbops took home his second green jacket of the season with an impressive 34+4, tying Jeff Luke’s record of nine career green jackets. Now sitting 3rd overall, Barbops trails league leader John Coyle by 21.25 points, but this victory was extra special. It marked his first (and possibly last) experience drinking from the crystal chalice. Grill Girl Karrie was visibly annoyed by Barbops’ insistence that the chalice be filled to the brim with Buffalo Trace bourbon, and after four rounds of this insistence, she threatened him with a lifetime ban from The Grill. Barbops finally took his draft, drank up, and headed home, later texting league members about his “athlete’s performance” and claiming the green jacket was a powerful aphrodisiac. He vowed to bring it home for a record third time this season.

Rounding out the leaderboard, Mike Mondoux placed 2nd with a solid 35+2, moving into a tie for 5th overall with 3rd place finisher Jeff Luke, who scored a 37+3. Grand Islanders dominated the top spots, with Justin Bridenbaker securing 4th at 37+2, and Chris Wilkinson and John Coyle tying for 5th with 37+1.

Despite holding the top position overall, Coyle’s week wasn’t without scandal. PIH league officials have launched a disciplinary review following a late-night incident involving the justice himself at the Dome. Sources, including a handicapped PIH putter from Team Grand Island who wishes to remain anonymous, report that a highly intoxicated Coyle was spotted at the Dome after hours, triggering security alarms that reverberated through The Grill. Grill owner Josh Edholm was forced to personally intervene to silence the alarms.

When approached by Grill Girls and patrons, an unsteady Coyle allegedly became belligerent, declaring, “I’m a Supreme Court Justice of Putter In Hand, bitches. I do what I want. I need to practice now!” When asked if this was his first time entering the Dome after hours, Coyle snapped, “I’m in first place after 5 weeks. Of course this isn’t my first time. Usually, I hide in the ball retriever cart until the staff leaves, then I practice several times during the night.” When asked how long he typically stayed, he pointed at a platform on the course near hole 14. “See that pad? It’s more comfortable than Conschafter’s couch,” he said, referencing his time on Shawn Conschafter’s couch that earned him Grand Island residency.

What makes this incident even more damaging to the league is its impact on the league's good standing at The Dome and the dome's reconsideration of the shotgun start. The Dome manager, Dallas Ford, had reached out to Commissioner Luke about restarting the shotgun process it has been asking for for two years. Dallas had come out to witness the league first-hand before making the decision to allow the shotgun start. Just hours later, Justice Coyle had jeopardized the decision. Commissioner Luke was forced to have a face-to-face meeting with Dallas to once again convince Dome management that the league is in fact filled with good patrons and asked for forgiveness for the one bad seed. Commissioner Luke putting his neck on the line for the good of the league once again, was convincing and the Dome management has given permission on a trial basis for the remainder of the season. Commissioner Luke promised Dallas action against Coyle would take place.

With witness statements and security footage in hand, the SCOPIH convened a closed-door emergency session on Friday to review Coyle’s conduct and decide his fate. Coyle, naturally unable to rule on a case involving himself, left the decision to the remaining four justices.

After reviewing the evidence and “oral arguments,” Justices Luke and Barbops voted to issue a “stiff” fine to Coyle but allow him to continue both as a league member and as a SCOPIH justice. In their joint opinion, which was obtained by the PIH Press, Luke and Barbops stated, “While Justice Coyle’s actions are inexcusable, we do not feel they warrant further action. The league bylaws give us no mandate to do more, and we live and rule by the law.”

However, the two newly appointed justices, Nick Keil and Jay Flemming, had a different opinion. These freshman justices ruled to allow Coyle to remain as a league putter but voted to impeach him from the SCOPIH effective immediately. In their opinion, also obtained by the PIH Press, Keil and Flemming cited the PIH Constitution: “The PIH Constitution states that Justices ‘shall hold their Offices during good behavior.’ Justice Coyle’s actions were not ‘good behavior’ and cast another stain on the league. We were elected to bring law and order to PIH. We are here to make Putter-In-Hand Great Again. PIHGA!”

With a split decision, the final ruling will fall to the league members themselves. A paper ballot vote will take place Thursday to decide Coyle’s fate on the SCOPIH, with results announced at the green jacket ceremony. When asked why the vote wouldn’t be conducted online, the justices cited concerns over previous online vote integrity and mandated in-person voting with identification required.

The SCOPIH has determined that if Justine Coyle is removed from the top court, a special election will take place by all league members in attendance at The Grill on Thursday to appoint a new Justice. The candidate with the most votes will become the 5^th Justice.   

Will Justice Coyle be impeached or will Team Grand Island band together to save one of their own? Will Wilkinson overtake Coyle on the top of the leaderboard? Will Caito stay out of the basement? Will Neville hear his name called as Green Jacket winner for the first time?

Week 6 is poised to bring even more drama on and off the green as PIH prepares for another unforgettable week!