Weekly Recaps

TONAWANDA, NY – The 2025 season picked up right where last year left off — with John Coyle standing “tall” atop the leaderboard. The reigning champion captured Week 1, retaining both the Green Jacket and the newly introduced Heavyweight Belt, symbolizing overall league supremacy.

This marks Coyle’s 10th week as the league leader — that’s 364 days of uninterrupted dominance. At this rate, he’ll surpass Bruno Sammartino’s record 2,803-day reign in 2031.

Chris Wilkinson earned the inaugural Pink Jacket, awarded to the poor soul who finishes just outside the money. Wilkinson, Shawn Conschafter, and Trevor Duffy tied for 7th, but Coyle broke the tie in Wilkinson’s favor after Conschafter threatened to appear next week wearing only the jacket. The league owes Coyle eternal gratitude for sparing everyone that sight.

Scott VeRost grabbed 3rd place but bolted immediately after the round, forfeiting his $20 winnings, which will roll over to next week’s pot. Mike Mondoux finished 2nd and, in true Mondoux fashion, spent the post-round analysis lamenting his five missed or lipped-out putts — a man forever chasing perfection and perpetually expecting a 19.

THE RED FLAG INCIDENT

After the round, a ceremonial presentation took place honoring Coyle, Dave Donn, and Steve Wehr as recipients of the prestigious Red Mulligan Flags, awarded to the first-place and last-place finishers each week.

It was all smiles until Coyle — still basking in the glow of victory and likely 3 chalices of rum and cokes deep — declared he would only use his Red Flag on Chief Justice Luke. Moments later at the bar, he made good on his vow, dramatically throwing the flag at Justice Luke and demanding that he drink.

When Luke defiantly confiscated the flag, Coyle erupted into what historians will one day refer to as The Great Tantrum of Putter In Hand. The champion denigrated the league as a “Mickey Mouse operation,” threatened to resurrect the failed T.I.T.S. League (Turkish Invitational Thursday Series), and vowed never to return the Heavyweight Belt. Witnesses claim he even threatened to spray-paint “TITS” on the belt, just as Hulk Hogan did to the championship during his NWO turn.

The league’s disciplinary committee (SCOPIH) is currently “reviewing the incident,” though insiders report the official penalty may just be buying the first round next week.

OTHER NEWS

Eric Alstrom leads the Women’s Division after outpacing Kim Schmoyer and Kelly Caito by five strokes.

Bryan An continued his absolute domination of fellow North Korean Chris Czopp, posting 41-0 and 44-0 rounds respectively. Rumor has it Czopp is entering witness protection as An is still demanding Czopp succumb to a 23 & Me test.

The 2025 Team Competition has officially launched. The pairings are as follows:

• Mike Mondoux leads Alex Keil, Bryan An, and Steve Wehr (R)
• John Coyle carries Joel Cady and rookies Jim Riley (R), and Dave Donn (R)
• Chris Wilkinson shows the way to a pair of newcomers Keith Fitzner (R) and Nick Terranova (R), plus Kelly Caito who is poised for a breakout season.
• Shawn Conschafter captains Eric Alstrom, Jim Neville, and newcomer Scott Hamilton (R).
• Justin Bridenbaker quarterbacking Connor Oakley (R), Geoff Zander, and Kim Schmoyer (R)
• Tom Barbops leads a squad of veterans, Dominic LoVallo, Scott Lis, and Brenan Dracup
• Jake Donn is paired with Jay Flemming, Brett Verost, and thanks to Todd O’Bryan, the blind who will be given a score of 42 each week (league average score and Todd’s average combined).
• Nick Keil is heading up the team of Bill Shaflucas, Harald Rehm, and Anthony Putnam (R)
• Jim Randals is the surprising leader of Scott Verost, Rod Pirson, and Kevin Wylke
• Jeff Luke is paired with Joe Neeson, Chris Czopp, and Steve Maziarz
• Trevor Duffy surprising leader of Jeff Hewett, Mark Verost, and Austin Brass (R)

With these lineups, predicting a favorite is like predicting when Conschafter will finally be escorted off the course — it’s not if, it’s when.